So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
