SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't deserve a penis
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
soo... how was my night?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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