no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
