I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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