Don't make out with my wife yet
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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