The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize