This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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