You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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