yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
