Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
