I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
