did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
