just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
