His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
