He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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