It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
