I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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