I want to stick my p in your. b.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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