he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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