taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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