do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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