Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
