Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
