I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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