I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize