We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
