If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
