On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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