Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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