just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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