So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
