Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
