pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize