So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
