In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
