Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
