why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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