her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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