Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
