I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
