dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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