There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
