Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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