I showed him my bush... on skype.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
