I can tuck mytits in my pants
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
