Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
