what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
