Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize