This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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