You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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