What did we do last night that was yellow?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
