Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm just crazy horny about you
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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