it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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