and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
