Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
