u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
