A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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