I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
