i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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