Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
