Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
