Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
