Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
