Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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