Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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