try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
