he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
