omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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