we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
