How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
