I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
