Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I cockslap morals
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
