I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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